Absent Father’s – Graduation Invitation?

August 5, 2007 at 9:22 pm (Absent Fathers, African American)

Currently, I’m planning my son’s graduation celebration. I’ve sent out invitations to those people that know him or that know the many struggles we’ve been thru to get him to this milestone. One of my friends asked me if I’d sent a invite/announcement to his father. I told her that I had not and she replied that I was out-of-order for not informing him.

I find this interesting considering this person has never been in a situation such as mine with an ex but feels competent to tell me when I’m out of order in dealing with mine.

My ex has over the last eighteen years consistently demonstrated that he had no intentions of being a full-fledged father to my son. As a matter of fact, he was ecstatic when he found out I remarried as he felt that he was somehow relieved of his parental duties. The only positive I have to say about my ex is that he did pay court ordered and garnished child support over the 18 year period of my son’s life other than that he has not been much help during very difficult times when he was needed.

My son suffered years of feeling abandoned and unloved by his father who lives in the same town with us. He never attended any of my sons school events or bothered to check on his academics. When my son was in a hospital, I notified his father but he never showed. I felt hurt for my son when this occurred as I know how it feels to have a so called father that washes their hands of you – mine did.

Honestly, I thought about sending an announcement to him purely out of spite to say “My baby made it without you”, but when I thought about the recipient, I realized that he was probably too “slow” to get it so I didn’t bother.

I struggled along with my husband to raise my son and for that I am proud. As far as sending an invitation to an a$$hole that never behaved as a father – I don’t think so.

To my dear friends – there are some things you simply don’t understand so thanks for your advice, but in this case I’ll defer to my own experiences.

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Absent Fathers – Mother’s Raising Teenagers

July 28, 2007 at 3:52 am (Absent Fathers)

As all us who are parents realize that once your male or female child becomes teenager, little Johnny or Sally can sometimes begin to act a fool. Some of this is normal teenage behavior but some behavior acted out in this day and age is clearly out of bounds. This is normally the time when teenage males need their father’s guidance and discipline more than ever. But I have noticed that (most) mother’s end up suffering thru what can be an overwhelming part of child rearing. And most women in general will stick by their child’s side no matter what. Many father’s however, will drop these young men like a bad habit rationalizing that he’ll eventually “get in line”.

Although women have done wonderful jobs at raising children, male children desperately need the male role model in the family so they can learn how to be men. Women certainly don’t have the knowledge or understanding to teach boys to be men. A woman can tell him what she thinks it is to be a man, however, it is not something a mother can model for her son.

For years I’ve wondered why fathers don’t have that same inherent attachment, obligation and genuine love for their own offspring. Is it because mother’s assume all responsibility and let men completely off the hook? Is it because some males can’t separate the feelings they have for their children from the one’s that have from their “Baby’s Mamma?” Or is that some fathers are simply to self-absorbed and incapable of truly loving another individual that cannot give them something in return?

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