August 5, 2007 at 9:22 pm (Absent Fathers, African American)
Currently, I’m planning my son’s graduation celebration. I’ve sent out invitations to those people that know him or that know the many struggles we’ve been thru to get him to this milestone. One of my friends asked me if I’d sent a invite/announcement to his father. I told her that I had not and she replied that I was out-of-order for not informing him.
I find this interesting considering this person has never been in a situation such as mine with an ex but feels competent to tell me when I’m out of order in dealing with mine.
My ex has over the last eighteen years consistently demonstrated that he had no intentions of being a full-fledged father to my son. As a matter of fact, he was ecstatic when he found out I remarried as he felt that he was somehow relieved of his parental duties. The only positive I have to say about my ex is that he did pay court ordered and garnished child support over the 18 year period of my son’s life other than that he has not been much help during very difficult times when he was needed.
My son suffered years of feeling abandoned and unloved by his father who lives in the same town with us. He never attended any of my sons school events or bothered to check on his academics. When my son was in a hospital, I notified his father but he never showed. I felt hurt for my son when this occurred as I know how it feels to have a so called father that washes their hands of you – mine did.
Honestly, I thought about sending an announcement to him purely out of spite to say “My baby made it without you”, but when I thought about the recipient, I realized that he was probably too “slow” to get it so I didn’t bother.
I struggled along with my husband to raise my son and for that I am proud. As far as sending an invitation to an a$$hole that never behaved as a father – I don’t think so.
To my dear friends – there are some things you simply don’t understand so thanks for your advice, but in this case I’ll defer to my own experiences.
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July 26, 2007 at 1:05 pm (African American, African American Images, BET)
Hot Ghetto mess premiered last night with much anticipation as many of us were prepared to watch a sequel of images and portrayals found on the infamous site, hotghettomess.com. But oddly, the show was a disjointed mess of Jay Leno type street interviews , short films and stale videos. It seems that BET erred on the side of caution and made some last minute modifications to the program after the wave of criticism sparked from the lone blogger over at What About Our Daughters. Her efforts to spread the word about this program and persuade advertisers to pull out demonstrates the power that we each hold in this technological age.
Although the goal of preventing HGM from airing was not realized – I think this was just the first shot over the bow.
Hopefully – those more articulate than myself can spearhead other social issues effecting our youth and communities using the power of the internet.
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July 18, 2007 at 5:02 pm (African American, African American Images, BET)
Since I’ve been following the controversy regarding the airing of the BET travesty “Hot Ghetto Mess”, I’m subconsciously awaiting the black clergy and local black leaders from across the country to step up and demand that this show be canceled. This is a moral and social issue that needs to be addressed in our country and who better than the ministers of our black churches and local leaders of our cities to lead the charge against the exploitation of the less powerful? I’m not saying that I think Reverend Al should lead the charge, but I do expect to see other ministers & leaders step up and make public statements denouncing BET’s – HGM and rally church members & other organizations to take action to oppose BET’s blaxplotation programming.
Why aren’t there investigations based on the images of young children possibly being abused? Where is Child Protective Services? Surely someone that works in these agencies is aware of the depictions of children on hotghettomess.com. Even if this is legal (which I doubt) , there is a moral code that has been broken.
What have we become when the powerful feed off of the weak rather than helping to lift them up and there is no public outcry from the very ones that teach us that “we are our brother’s keeper”……
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July 14, 2007 at 4:55 am (African American, African American Images, BET, Parenting, Teenagers)
BET is preparing to air what can only be described as a minstrel show depicting African-Americans in the poorest possible way. Apparently they are competing with VH1 to try and one-up the Flavor of Love programs. According to the blogoshere, BET was actively soliciting images and information of most unbecoming nature to depict on this show – some of which show disturbing images of children.
Home Depot and State Farm Insurance beat a hasty retreat from “Hot Ghetto Mess” following a growing din of complaints, mostly on the Internet, that the show – a collection of home videos and images sent in by viewers – depicts African Americans in the worst light possible.
The show evolved from an Internet site of the same name, which features photos of African Americans in various “ghetto” styles, including hair, clothing and jewelry.
At least one gallery of photos on the site shows toddlers and infants photographed holding bottles of beer or with cigars in their mouths. – New York Post
Hopefully BET will come to it’s senses and pull the plug on this nonsense.
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July 13, 2007 at 7:37 am (African American, African American Images)
What were they thinking? This is a photo-shoot of Mo’nique and contestants for the upcoming F.A.T. Chance competition. It’s intended to be artful, however, it looks like 6 naked overweight women with paint on their bodies, holding their “twins” while posing for a camera. I applaud them for being proud thick sisters…but this crosses the line. In all honesty Mo’nique looks tasteful, the others look awful.
Before you start going off on me – realize that I’m a big girl myself and I have always admired Mo’nique for promoting the beauty of us big sisters, however, we all must realize that different body shapes require different things.
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July 12, 2007 at 8:24 pm (African American, Mental Health)
Imagine how you would feel if you just lost someone that is very dear to you. You would more than likely feel sad, angry, fearful, hopeless, helpless, disoriented? Imagine those feeling lasting day after day – week after week – month after month, year after year – this is what it feels like to live with depression only these feelings are not situational they are caused many times by chemical imbalances rather that life events.. Now imagine suffering with these feeling alone unable to discuss it with your loved ones? This is a reality for many suffering mental illness.
Depression is a real issue affecting the life’s of many African Americans. I would venture to say that many of our young men and women that are incarcerated suffer some form of mental illness. Unfortunately many in our community refuse to see mental illness as an “illness” but rather a character flaw. Mental illness is no more a character flaw than is diabetes…it is a bona fide medical illness which is in many cases is a result of hormonal of chemical imbalances in the brain. Unfortunately we have difficulty accepting things we cannot see – depression is one of those types of ailments….but so is diabetes. If you have diabetes you go to an endocrinologist if you have a mental illness you should go to a psychiatrist or medical doctor to receive proper treatment. All treatments do not include pharmaceuticals – cognitive therapy has been known to be just as effective as anti-depressants in treating depression in some individuals. There should be no shame in seeking help when you have any type of illness and mental illness is a serious illness.
Because of the stigma associated with mental illness in our society and in our culture – many people suffer needlessly and their families suffer along with them. We need to educate ourselves about the symptoms and treatment of mental health disorders. We then need to educate our families, friends, churches, etc. about the negative effects of these illnesses and the treatments available to manage them.
We can no longer afford to act like none of us has an “Uncle Pete” in our circle whether it is a family member or a friend….we all know someone who is in need of our love and support with what can be a debilitating illness. Unfortunately many suffer in silence and isolation out of fear of revealing their illness to others. In many cases treatment and support will allow those suffering to live a very fulfilling and rewarding life.
Is there someone you know that needs your support to deal with their illness?
To learn more about mental illness visit the National Alliance on Mental Health.
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July 12, 2007 at 3:33 pm (African American, Parenting, Teenagers)
It has occurred to me in the past few months that my children’s (18 & 23) preferred style of communication is text messaging. I often wonder why they choose this “radio talkie” mode of communication to the traditional phone conversation. I then came to the following conclusion of why they prefer text messaging – they really don’t want to have a true dialog with us but they want to stay in touch with us old folks. It’s infuriating to me (although I love them) when they text message me when they could have just as easily dialed my number for an old fashion conversation. Don’t they know how difficult it is for us to type on those silly little type pads that are on our phones……or is that the point….we can’t say too much to them using their mode of communication.
Oh well, I guess with technology us older ones will just have to learn to maximize the use of technology as they have.
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July 12, 2007 at 1:46 pm (African American, African American Images)
After watching “Charm School” on VH1 at the urging of my 15 year old, I was dumb-founded. I did not realize these type of shows existed. They bring to my mind a type of minstrel show created to demean and humiliate those portrayed – except in 2007 we have somehow been convinced to portray ourselves in a negative light for all the world to see. What is wrong with this picture – oh lest I forget, the show is meant to “help” the wayward young female participants.
It seems to me that if Mo’nique were really sincere in helping the girls from Charm School, she would have done so without the cameras rolling. How can you help these girls by exposing their flaws to the world. It would seem that you would take them in and “love on them” (as Mo said) without the world watching and then when they have learned to control undesirable behaviors – develop a reality program to showcase the positive changes they’ve made. Although I thought Larissa’s behavior was completely “out of order” with the cursing of an elder I did agree with her when she said Mo was full of it.
Hopefully some of our black stars in Hollywood will take a note from CeCe Winans – Always Sisters Conference and really try to do something positive to help our young people….without the cameras rolling.
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